vendredi, mars 03, 2006

vous m'en mettrez 2 bonnes livres!



Paraît qu'on survit à tout. Ce n'est pas faux! Bon je vous rassure, jusqu'ici j'ai échappé à la grippe du poulet (malgré le commissariat au coin de la rue), la maladie de la vache folle (malgré mes passages aux crazyvores), la tremblante du mouton (malgré ma fréquentation de salles de sport) et je ne suis guère inquiet bien que les virus sautent d'espèces en espèces: dindes (je vais très peu dans le marais), félins (pas vu de chatte de près depuis un bail...), ours (aucun voyage à Berlin de prévu)...

Mais ces 10 derniers jours, j'ai survécu.

A des vagues d'émotion: DM à Bercy, Edouard Baer à la Cigale, la vente de mon appart (non je ne vais pas devenir riche, enfin pas tant que ça, pas la peine d'essayer de me kidnapper, c'est d'un surfait en ce moment en plus...), l'annonce de mon départ et la remise de ma démission à l'usine-à-gaz...

Une métro-gastro-dodo qui te vrille les tripes comme une serviette trempée de sueur dans les mains d'un bodybuilder sous amphèt' et te transforme les intestins (enfin surtout l'extrémité) en chute du Niagara...

2 trajets en RER B avec odeur-témoin, typique et le gateau sous la cerise: l'abruti de service qui se coupe les ongles. Clac, clac, clac, les ongles morts sautent à droite et à gauche, clac, clac, clac, concentre-toi sur la duchesse, clac, clac, clac, la fille en face a l'air aussi pertubé que moi, clac, clac, clac, j'en perds le fil, clac, clac, clac, clac, clac!! non mais bordel de nom de Zeus il a combien de doigts ce type!!!? Et dans 2 minutes il va dégainer ses coton tiges et se curer les cages à miel en direct live entre la courneuve et le bourget? vas-y brosse toi les dents aussi et crache moi le dentifraiiiiiice sur les pompes!! clac, clac, clac... Inspirez, expirez, soufflez, Madame, faites le chien, inspirez, expirez! Comment tu veux arriver chez les gens sans être énervé après ça?! Heureusement que (ex-)BelleMaman a eu la bonne idée de m'offrir un fort joli gilet orange, idéal pour la mi-saison dans la fraicheur du soir...

Je vous passe mes considérations sur la série d'images télévisées qui m'ont percuté récemment: "au secours mon chien fait la loi chez moi" et "mon appart ressemble à une décharge publique" (mardi soir M6), "je chante comme une casserole que même Stephan aurait plus de chance en audition à la star ac que moi mais je me présente quand même à un casting" (mercredi soir M6), "je ressemble à un sac à main sans poignée dont même Bernadette C. ne voudrait pas et je viens dandiner mon QI ostréicultivé à la télé" ("sexy or not" Europe2TV jeudi soir, faudra que je vous reparle de ce grand moment de télévision...), sans parler des maladies plus ou moins rares qui vous font perdre le contrôle de votre corps (odeurs, incontinence, épilepsie..) et dont Delarue a fait ses choux gras mercredi, à vous saper le moral pour le restant du mois, facheux quand on est le 1er...

I will survive!!!

59 commentaires:

Anonyme a dit...

Lamente toi sur ta gastro.
Tu ne sais pas la chance que tu as. Crois moi !

Anonyme a dit...

PTDR
Alors, les chanteurs graves nuls que tu te demandes comment ils osent se montrer sur M6, j'ai vu et j'ai ri grave!!
Delarue, j'ai zappé tout de suite.. tu penses..

Tu nous as résumé l'ambiance mondiale... pourquoi avoir peur quand on peut carrément grave flipper...
Bisous mon coeur

Anonyme a dit...

une sale période hein steph ... vive le canada et son sirop d'erable. Allez, ta vie prend un nouveau tournant, dis au revoir à ce gros degueu aux ongles sales et bonjour à l'accent de vache. c'est clair, rien ne tourne plus rond sur notre pauvre monde ; à ton avis, la prochaine cata ce sera koi?

Anonyme a dit...

Vaut mieux vivre ici qu'à Kaboul non?

Anonyme a dit...

Non,la bataille nasale n'aura pas raison de nos voies respiratoires !
Alors pas la peine de crier " H5 N1...Coulé !

Anonyme a dit...

Le commentateur anonyme qui vient de se "commettre" juste à l'instant,il me semble que c'est Gulfclear !oui oui oui c'est même certain

Anonyme a dit...

et bien dis donc...tu ne fais pas les choses à moitié...quand tu liquides, tu liquides tout...enfin façon de parler...sourire
gros bisous steph

Anonyme a dit...

En effet, je comprend mieux ton "j'ai pas envie"... mais quelle idée de regarder la télé aussi? y a de quoi vomir vu ce que tu regardes. remarque c'est peutêtre ce que tu fais, histoire de te vider plus vite...

Antigone

Anonyme a dit...

Toujours aussi chaleureux, les transports en commun!
Bon week-end.

Anonyme a dit...

tu t'en vas où mon coeur? au Canada? tu essayeras de ne pas m'oublier hein! ils ont aussi des connections internet là-bas non? et puis, à l'occase, si j'ai besoin de vacances en solitaire, je viendrai te faire coucou! (pauuuuuuvre de toi!) :)
Kiss my friend!

Anonyme a dit...

et ben que de merde a la teloche.. ca me fait penser que je n'ai tjs pas inaugurer ma nouvelle rubrique.
pour ma part j'espère qu'avec le cable je trouverai des trucs interessants.

Anonyme a dit...

C'est marrant, j'ai justement un collègue français qui vient de faire pareil, démissioner pour aller au Canada...

Anonyme a dit...

Une fille se coupait les ongles dans le train que j'ai pris pour rentrer du Luxembourg... Hallucinant !

J'ai lu que TF1 cessait de diffuser sa nouvelle émission Real TV. Même pas eu l'occasion d'en voir un extrait.

Rassure-moi, si tu as vendu ton appart, tu ne vis pas dehors quand même ? Les chats errants viennent squatter mon paillasson mais comme tu n'es pas un chat, je te ferais rentrer. Suis gentille, hein ? ;)

Anonyme a dit...

bien fait! tu n'as qu'à rouler à bicyclette et jeter ta TV!!!!!!lol!

Anonyme a dit...

et c'était comment alors Edouard Baer?

Alban a dit...

c'est vrai que c'est chiant les gens dans le RER et sans parler de l'odeur!!

Anonyme a dit...

Dinc, tu nous quittes vraiment pour rejoindre le Quebec, j'espère que tu donneras de tes nouvelles...

Anonyme a dit...

et en plus, on survit très bien sans regarder la télé...

Sk a dit...

Les ongles.... arf je comprends pas qu'on puisse faire ça dans un train ! En général c'est toujours pour moi le vieux connard qui se coupe les ongles dans le train... ça m'énerve à un point ce truc j'peux pas... arg....

Anonyme a dit...

MDR, la télé passe de la poubelle au chiant, de l'infectieux à l'invecteur... que du divertissement sans divertir .. mais des bons moments de rires (juste pour les casseroles chantantes), car le reste faut vraiment en vouloir!

cendrinox a dit...

Allez, j'en rajoute une couche côté rognures d'ongles ... dans les "Darwin Awards", qui récompensent les morts les plus absurdes, un quidam remplissait son grenier de ses rognures d'ongles depuis des dizaines d'années. Le plafond aurait cédé sous le poids dédites rognures, faisant passer de vie à trépas ledit quidam qui dormait dessous ... Plusieurs tonnes de cellules mortes, vous croyez que c'est possible, vous ?

Stephan a dit...

>cendrinox: yuk! il aurait pu rajouté ses cheveux, ses poils de barbe et j'en passe... Tué par ses propres cellules, une forme de suicide?
>fredze: je regarde peu la tv mais quand je m'y mets je vais au meilleur. Il n'y que TF1 que je n'arrive décidemment pas à allumer...
>selenerick: on doit fréquenter les mêmes wagons. c est un truc qui me rend dingue (comme bcp d'autres trucs d ailleurs...)
>sag's: I know! la preuve est que je vous parle rarement du petit écran.
>heure_bleue: internet reste sans fontière, vous ne vous débarrasserez pas de moi comme ça! ;o)
>alban: l'odeur fait partie intégrante du plaisir des transports en commun, du matin au soir. ;o)
>nobodd: c'était 'achement bien! il faut aller aux folies bergeres!
>mae: la météo n'a pas favorisé mes déplacements! et ce n'était pas ma tv... ;o)
>cali: merci de te soucier de mon hébergement ;o) je ne suis aps encore à la rue. j'ai 2 bons mois devant moi.
>dieudeschats: c'est une épidémie semble t il! je vais retrouver tous ceux que je veux fuir ici!
>tonton miko: je ne suis pas sûr hélas que la quantité soit garantie de qualité...
>trash and blue: tu seras la bienvenue quand tu veux, avec ou sans chocolat! et mon blog et mon email ne changeront pas. bises!
>kit: il est des choses qui ne changent pas! bonne semaine!
>antigone: histoire d'achever ma gastro? c est possible... ;o)
>lacigale: he he oui, je me lâche... bisous
>gulfclear: toujours en grande forme! je rigole tout seul...
>vlaemsch: à Paris oui c'est sûr, mais entre le Nord et Kaboul, j'hésite...
>mallo: la prochaine cata? un accident nucléaire en Iran?
>la souriante: bisous bisous (on va faire des jaloux)
>silvin: t'es pourtant pas du genre coincé comme gars... ;o)

Anonyme a dit...

À vous, hexagonaux cousins, votre Steph pourra continuer d'écrire ses savoureux épitres: oui, nous avons l'Internet...

Bienvenue au Québec Steph, viens rejoindre la diaspora française!

Nouvelle France, the sequel...

Anonyme a dit...

J'aime beaucoup ce style d'écriture ... je reviendrai

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